chapter 29
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SCRRR—-–--
[ van door slidin open ]
we were parkd infronta 195. i musta dozed off.
bootydharma stood outside the van.
behind him, the sky burnd ornge.
—sunrise, yall.
sunrise
we watchd it thru the open door of the van. a buncha clouds in the way but the sun winkd at us from between em, kinda reminded me of frank.
max figured out we were home and got tired of waitin for us to come inside. i dont know how he got out, but he was runnin towrd the van, you could hear his coller jinglin.
andy said—
—prepare to be mauld with love.
i prepared [ as much as one can prepare ]
jingle-jingle--
pant-pant--
flasha fur--
tung flappin--
then, imagine
one a those comics where the beast is frozen midjump— teeth bared,
comin right for you—
for me, i mean. thats who he mauld first.
it was awsom. dogbreath-sloppy tung-littl-hairs-on-
your-lips-youd-hafta-pickemoff-later awsom.
then me and max had a convee, i’ll translate from the dog but i hafta warn you it doesnt translate too good.
—i’m sory we leftya, boy.
— welcome home !
—i wish we’d brought you with us, youda had fun, you woulda liked todds records, i betchyou woulda lickd em.
— THIS RULES !
—i ll get you a treat soonas we get inside, o-k boy?
— i love you!
you will note that all my statements were about the past or the future, while all max’s were about the present.
i’m workin on that.
max is helpin me.
one by one, max visited evrybody,
givin each one of em the same level of atention he’d given me,
it woulda made ticknot proud, infact i wonder if ticknot doesnt
have a little dog in im.
when max was finishd, D cleard her throat.
—all in, yall. its hi-time.
—fuckyahh all in!⋞ andy ⋟
they all tumbled outa the van and assembled under the oak tree, formd a little huddle like in football— D, andy, johnson, booty-d, max stuck his head in there too. they left a place open for me, and what can i say? i took it.
between D and andy.
i dug in and started pushin like a scrum in rugby, but the scrum was movin the opposit direction of D and her low center a gravity, we realigned, the pile equalized, evrybody still pushin but we canceld eachother out. they lowerd their heads, we did, sqeezd em in together like wedges in a trivial pursuit pie. that sent us staggerin back away from D—she has some strong legs, i heard she can squat four hundred tho ive never seen it done—re-equalized, i became aware of a smell, a fecundity, my skull prest into D’s and andy’s, theirs into mine, i got a headache tho i hear you eventialy stop gettinem, hair skin nerves blood vessels pusht outa the way almost like your minds are touchin, my temples throbd my legs were tremblin my eyes i dont know if they were open or closed it was like lookin into a strobe lite—
i musta stopt pushin cause the pile lurchd back, i staggerd then recoverd, nobody said anything but i knew i had to keep pushin or this thing wouldnt work. we restabalized, inhaled fecundity, nerves shuvd outa the way temples throbd skuls threatend to fuse and the flashing like before but this time i wasnt afraid, if anything i pushd harder, evrybody did til the flashing wentaway and the throbbing, and all that was left was stillness. emptiness. plenitude. geist.
—all in
it seemd to come from inside my head our heads
our head— andy D johnson booty-d, i think i even heard max say it.
—all in
—all in
—all in
—all in
—all in
guess they were waitin on me.
you know how the judge said to the kid
at the end of blood meridian it was required of no man to give more than
he possesd nor was any mans share compared to anothers, only each was
calld on to empty his heart into the common and one did not, can you
tell me who that one was?
it was me.
but it didnt hafta be.
— all in.
some say you dont have a choice.
i say you do. even if theres only one choice you still hafta make it.
Afterwards
we stood around in a daze,
like somebody on mortal kombat waitin for you to finish im.
excepfor johnson. he was off by himself, sittin on
the ground with his head in his hands.
andy said
—evrything allright, j-man?
johnson lookd up.
—thats my first all in since i moovd.
—people in portland dont all in?
—i gues they do, i dont know, me and wendy dont, whats the
point when theres just the two a you, you mightaswell fuck.
—talk about alienation⋞ D ⋟who needs the capitalist mode of
production when you got the nuke famly. altho i gues they
do go hand in hand—
—D-nazi.
—quite the opposit, actialy andy.
—theres this couple wendy knows from
work. we’re gettin to be good friends.
—gettin to be? youv been there like a year.
—two, almost.
—a-l’s been here less n twenny four hours and
he s all in.
—portland aint like athens, D. no where is.
—why d you moov again?⋞ D ⋟
—aww, dont be sad⋞ andy ⋟D, chill.
—no, D’s right⋞ johnson ⋟it was my choice. our choice.
its good to remember that sometimes.
—its aright j-man.
andy wrapt him in an ape arm, D nesseld him to her bosom,
and it was allright, atleast for the moment.
which i guess is all weve got.
—you could moovback y know⋞ D ⋟you and wendy.
—and do what for jobs?
—bel jean’d take ya back in a heartbeat.
—yeah⋞ johnson ⋟makin tendollers an hour.
—you always had enuf to eat and a few bucks in
yer pocket.
—its difrent now.
—whats difernt? yall aint havin a kid, are ya?
[ silence ]
i rememberd then, somethin which i’d
noticed earlier but temporarily forgot— where were all the kids in athens?
didnt these people breed? did they keep em loct in the basement, was this
gona be like the ones who walkaway from omelas?
johnson broke into a smile.
—maybe now yall’ll come visit me.
— h o l y s h i t ! ⋞ andy ⋟
— C O N G R A D U L A T I O N S ! c o n g r a d u l a t i o n s ! C O N g r a d u l a t i o n s ! c o n G R A D u l a t i o n s ! c o n g r a d U l a t i o n s ! c o n g r a d u L A t i o n s ! c o n g r a d u l a T I O N S ! c o n g r a d u l a t i o n s ! ⋞ D ⋟
mad scramble to hug johnson, max lict
his face til he fell over, evrybody piled on top.
—dont tell wendy i told ya. we’re not oficialy
tellin peeple yet.
—whens it due?⋞ andy ⋟
—not for a wile.
—dont play ignrant⋞ D ⋟you know the date.
—december fifteenth⋞ johnson spoke from the bottom of
the pile, while atempting to evade max’s tung ⋟its just an
estimate, it couldbe longer we’re gona do it natral,
wendy found this great midwife— max, CHILL!
max elected not to chill.
—i hereby proclamate⋞ andy ⋟that evrybody do a shot,
outa the first thing that somebody produces.
andy went for his pocket, but it was booty-d who was qwikest on the draw, he uncapt a flask and stuck it under D’s nose.
D snift it. made a face.
—oldcrow are you seerius?
—dooo-it⋞ andy ⋟
—arrite
she did, evrybody did. i even put a litle on my tung, like comunion wine
i mean the blood of christ.
johnson was gettin prety verklempt.
—next fathersday, i’ll get a card. do yall know how awsom that is?
i had a guess.
i askd to borrow a phone.
two fones came flyin at me, i caut one and had
to swat the other one away or i woulda lost another tooth.
—threeinarow, D. your slipin.
—mine left my hand first. you were jus closer.
the way they make a game of evrything— maybe terry-e
was right, the point is pointlessness.
8 1 7
then how did we let it get away?
6 6 4
did something take it? or is it our nature to let it go?
5 0 9 1
to trade it, for security. anything to keep the wolf from the door—
or was it 1-9?. . . no, its 9-1, i can still see where
she wrote it the night we met, on the back of a goldenrod flyer.
she used oldstyle figures, dont think that shit was lost on me yall,
i use ta be a typesetter
ring.
you know she s not gona anser.
rang.
do you even want her to anser? i think so, parta me does,
should i feel guilty for not bein sure?
rung.
who cares, its not like i can control what happens
just by thinkin about it... but what if i can?
rang.
dont think, just let it happen as its meant to happen.
ring.
how many times should you let it ring?
ring.
afraid for her to anser, afraid to hangup too soon,
always afraid thats why i needed constant reasurance
poor claire.
ring.
thats definatly enough rings, now you dont hafta feel guilty
for hangin up. exept maybe for hopin she wouldnt anser. but you
kinda hoped she would too. you always hedge your bets dont you?
ring.
but you can change at any time. you do change. your a new person,
evry second—
end.
—no anser?⋞ andy ⋟
—no anser.
then D said the most suprizing thing i’d heard in a wile.
—oh dude i almost forgot— you gota be at work soon.
[ power move— act confused ]
— work?
—marko’s gotcha on graveyard, which around here means
7 to 2. and this time its not optional, if you dont show up
its somebody elses job, so do you want it or not?
—i dont know.
—decision time, chop chop.
—whatime is it now?
—six forty three.
fifty three, oh-three, minus three—
—i cant be ready in— i mean i cant work now.
—caint never could, evrybody works their firsday⋞ D ⋟and tho it
might sound like i m bein hyperbolic, i a sure you i am not.
—even peeple, who arent stayin?
—is that whatcha are al?⋞ andy ⋟
—i hafta get back to fort worth.
[ sounded absurd, i admit ]
—tell ya what⋞ D ⋟we’re walkin to bluesky. you can come
with us, ornot. but i should warn ya its a six minnit walk.
which gives you exacly⋞ lookin at her fone ⋟ten minnits
to make up your mind.
i didnt need ten minnits.
i went to bluesky.
and what hapend there—
remember how i said my life started to change
when i found that punchcard?
well bluesky is where it finishd.