chapter 12


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Fade in.

Ext. Woods - Day

AL, unconscious, thrown over the sholder of DEIDRA,
a five-foot-tall giantess.

Deidra walks thru the woods on a trail litterd with trash. she is followd by a giant furry dog with a face like an ewok. this is MAX.

Max licks Al’s face.

Al wakes up, wonders what the fuck is goin on.

Max attempts to get his tung inside Al’s mouth.
he is very close to succeeding.


Max, chill!



oh good your awake. you think you can walk now?

your heavier’n you look.

deidra put me down, tho she didnt letgo a me.
which was a good thing—

i was feelin kinda dizzy

woops [ she steadied me ] maybe we

better siddown.

i dont think weve met.

[ sorry, thats all i could come up with ]

not o-fishaly, im deidra! you can call

me D, tho. infact you hav to. sory about chasin you, i didnt think youd run into
a tree  aw dont be skeerd a-l, im not gona hurtcha, were peeps, you dont know
what that means yet but 

hold on.

my head throbd. it hurt to think.

why did you chase me?

be cause. we couldnt let you get away!

[ i was waitin for my brain to catchup ]

why not?

cuz were peeps!

[ actualy it was never goin to, maybe i was

startin to suspect that ]

whadoes that mean?

think of it like this— me max and andy—

you hadnt met andy yet but you will soon—were your personal welcomin comitee
to athens. its like an athens tradition.

you do this for evrybody that comes to town?

cept it dudnt usualy end in a knockout.

speakinawich, hold still a sec—

she took out a flashlight and shined it in my eye.

your dilatin normal.

she checkd my other eye.

your not feelin naushus or havin vision problems, are ya?

i dont think so.

she clickd off the light.

you got a tuff noggin, a-l. that ll come in real handy here.

max got tired of bein ignored and pawd my leg, like he was petting me, but agressivly. i lost my balance and mightof gone down if deidra hadnt grabd holda me.

you might as well siddown dude, cuz your goin down one way or another.

i sat down.

max took advantage of the fact that my face was in licking range.

o k boy, o k. good boy. o k.

but he wasnt thru lickin me. infact he was just gettin started.

max, chill! sorry a-l, he feels guilty for runnin you into that tree.

i realy am sory it went down like that, i just cant blieve you got here so early,
your not a mornin person are ya? cuz lissen to me— nuthin happens in athens
before midnight. nuthin. and nuthin intresting happens before two.

who told you i was comin?

i heard it on the ‘astral plane.’

no realy. the only person who knew about my trip was my

girlfriend. unless that guy said somethin— whats is name?

booty dhali?

oh lil a-l, dont get all workt  up,  lets just enjoy the day, we can

work out the details later. i cant bleev your heer dude, i realy

cant bleev it.

she gave my arm a little squeez, and max nuzzled up to me. it was strangely comforting. dont go thinkin i was relaxd oranything, i was definately still freakinout in my mind. tho maybe not quite as much in my body.

what time did you actualy get here?

around nine.

and you just been wandrin around by yourself since then?

you must be confused as shit.

i am, yes. and i havent slept.

better get some sleep in ya then, you gota big night ahead,

its only like five minnits from here.

what is?

one ninedy five.

whats one ninety-five?

my house! its a awsom house dude, the best porch
on oddhill. and its a easy walk downtown, altho i usualy drive. i dont get
wasted so you always gota ride.

i didnt know where to begin.

have we met before? cause i hav a prety bad memry.

we just met two minnits ago, remember?

but before that?

not unless you count our informal introduction

while i was rescuin you from taylor— your welcome, bytheway. you
cant apreciate it now but you woulda been there all day. and probly
into toomoro



D. can i ask you a question?

bless your peapickin heart, acourse you can. ask me anythin you want.

So i askd it. the question. the one that d been brewing in me ever
since i got to athens.

What the fuck is goin on?

good question, a-l! very good question! i hope you never stop askin it.

like Z says, philosophy s too important to leav to the profesionals.




youv seen the documentary, im sure you have, but theres
alot more to im than that, he s writen like fifty books, its redonkalous, ive got
the esentials at the house tho.

so you didnt answer me.


whats goin on?

i cant anser that a-l, only you can.

why not?

ok— i know things are confusing. but me and

andy—that reminds me i need to call im, shit i left my phone at the house—
we decided no babytalk. if we treatcha like a grownup youll act like one.

i hav no idea what your talking about.

course not you jus got here.

but what— how—

[ ? ]

your a question asker, arentcha?

under the circumstances i think its apropriat.

well hafta break you a that dude, you ever

heard a radical self reliance?

i ve been to burning man.

you have? sweet. that is realy helpful. ok, think a
burnin man— y know those people that walkaround drunk with glow sticks
on their necks and their always askin where the nearest portapotty is?...
dont be one a them.

im not. i work at playa info.

aw, dont fret a-l. lookatchoo, your frettin. your cute when

you fret tho, your lil cheeks get all bunchd up, i just wana

peenchem rightoff!

she grabd a handful of my cheek and pinchd hard. realy hard.
so hard i didnt know you could pinch somebody that hard.

i tried to extricate my face, but she held fast. i finely had to
grab hold of her wrist—

soonas i did that, she put me in an armlock
and twisted my elbow til i had no choice but to
d o u b l e   o v e r 1 2 3 4 5 6   8 9 10 * 1 2 3 4 5 6   8 9 10 *

martial arts illustration


two things can happen here a-l,

so pay atention.

i tried to get out of it
but there was nothin i could do. even the slightest movement causd a great
deal of pain.

but max came to my rescue. he started barkin. he has a deep, booming
bark thats prety much impossibl to ignore.

chill max! im not gona hurtim.


max, chill!


he is reely protective of you, ive never seen im like this.

its o k max, im just showin im somethin. tellim your o k

dude, hell lissen to you.

im not o k.

[ she had me in an armlock, remember ]

yes you are. dont be a baby.

a–  roof!

fine, max.

she let me go.

max lickt me til i said thank you, then he lickt me some more to say your welcome.

ill show you how to do that if you want [ D said ]

sometime when max aint around.

i shook out my elbow and tried to workup some
anger, but i couldnt do it. it was like that scene in fight club, when the
guy put a gun to that other guys head orwhatever. now that was extreme
and a bit metaforical, in realife it probly wouldnt a had the intended
efect, but in my case where it wasnt a gun to the head just an armlock,
it realy did make me greatful, not for my whole life but that i had control
of my arm again, and thats enough to make you prety greatful. i almost
wanted to hug her. or not exacty that but—

ok,  this is gona sound strange,
but you know that monkey travis? the one who ate that womans face?
i know, it must be a terible thing to happen and all that, but travis is
a relavant comparison because what i realy had the urge to do was,
basicly, bite her face

rrf=fruff ?

max is ready to roll a-l, you comin or not?

i should probly head back to the hotel.


to make a call.

we gota fone at the house.

what i realy need is to sleep.

theres a couch on the porch thats ideal for

nappin. its seriusly five minnits from here.

i apreciate the offer

and if you still wana go to the hotel

when we get there, ill give you a ride.


max ran ahead, then turnd
around to check if i was following. when he saw i was still just
standin there, he cockd his head as if to say—

whats the holdup?

i think it was the way he lookd at me that did it— that convinced me to follow: i didnt wana see anything dim those bright eyes.

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